I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Girls should come with a carfax report
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
