We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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