Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
