Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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