I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
