Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
