she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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