yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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