I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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