you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
