this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
