You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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