The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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