Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
