I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
