When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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