I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
