Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
