well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't put those talents on a resume
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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