if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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