You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
