Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is my gift to your gina
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
