I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
