I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
