So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Are my feet made of real feet?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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