I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
