Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
