Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A+ Viking dick
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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