Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
