I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
