yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
