dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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