im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
