If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
