I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
