"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
