A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
