This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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