She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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