another moral hangover. fuck.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
