What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
