I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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