Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
