it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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