Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
