You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
