I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
