do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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