i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She made me pour olive oil on her.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
