I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
