3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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