I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
