He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
