We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
