dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We had to coat check the pizza.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
