I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So much rum. So many feels.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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