Already got asked if we're dating
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
