Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
